One of the prime reasons for stress is the need to make decisions. In an evermore complex world we are often faced with choices and options. Choice no doubt is fundamentally a good thing - very often in the form of buying options - lifestyle choices - work choices - but if it leads to undue stress and worry as it seems to for many - then it is clearly not.
The processes behind how we make these personal choices and decisions are different for everyone. Like most human characteristics or traits I think they are part given as our inherent nature and part learned - nurtured in our environment and from our life experience.
There are evidently masses of books written about dealing with making choices in life - how to be happy - how to be healthy - how to get on etc etc. I admit to knowing little about the contents of these books. Why - because I have never felt I had a problem with decision making and therefore have had no motivation to read them. I am certainly not claiming to have always made good decisions - far from it - but what I can say is I have always found it relatively easy to make decisions and have been able to do so without undue stress either pre or post the fateful decision - ha!
I will share with you my typical thought processes if you are interested - ha again!
First of all I would cast myself as a rock solid optimist. This I am certain is by nature. It is an unthinking state of mind. No one has taught me to be optimistic. Can you learn to be an optimist - if you are by nature a pessimist - I am not sure. Some say pessimists live in the real world. I am not having that. The world is as you see it - that would be my take. It is likely you can learn to be more optimistic - whether to your core though I don't know. It might seem mad to some - but whatever I do or decide I think things will work out - more specifically -eventually work out for the best! That takes a lot of pressure off any decision making.
The best advice I can offer on decision making is to understand and accept there is rarely a clear cut choice. In so many situations there is not a right or wrong answer. Often you hear people say I must make the right decision and anguish over it - delay making a necessary decision with stressful consequences. My approach is to make an optimum decision - the best decision I can make based on the information or feeling I have. I do my best. It might be a marginal choice - a decision on balance - that is the norm in the real world. Once the decision is made I go with it. If it goes wrong I do not give myself a hard time or even dwell on it - I made the best decision I could at the time - end of story. I then look at the situation I am in and make the next decision - forward momentum - the future - you cannot turn clocks back - there is no point on dwelling on it - regretting it - nothing changes but stress undoubtedly can be piled on.
A few other thoughts about decision making. These thoughts are strictly personal and in no particular order :-
- Listen to your own advice. If it feels wrong it probably is.
- My first reaction is usually the most accurate one.
- Procrastination can be a good thing - ie not making a decision you do not have to make at this time. Sometimes an answer emerges - clarity emerges almost without consciously thinking about it.
- Procrastination can be a bad thing. If a decision has to be made - if the facts will not be different in the foreseeable future - give yourself a break - make a decision - otherwise you go around in circles - argue with yourself - add pointless stress.
- Put (keep) a decision in context. What is the worst that can happen.
- When it comes to buying choices you can anguish over saving a few pounds - but then waste those few pounds and more somewhere else without thinking about it. Not very logical.
- Wishful thinking is a waste of time. If you cannot change a fact or a decision made it is pointless. Cut to the chase.
- Challenge yourself to be objective - retain your balance.
- Have a plan in your head.
- Have a list to differentiate and prioritise but be flexible too.
- Make your decisions in the right sequence - bad timing often creates problems and stresses. It is probably unwise to buy the furniture before you know the size of the room you have to fit it in!
- Generally you do not make the best decisions when you are tired. Similarly while alcohol can appear to create clarity - and in many instances it is the truth drug - it can lead to rash decisions so be careful!
- Avoid necessarily taking the advice of the last person you talk to. Ask questions yes - but make your own mind up.
- Some decisions seem to have an unstoppable momentum. If you are not happy be strong and do what you have to/want to do. Stand up.
- Relationship decisions are a whole different ball game. I am not giving advice - definitely not - ha! but two thoughts however - 1) be aware (beware) of the first 100 day euphoria. 2) the point above regarding unstoppable momentum particularly applies. (beware).
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